Who can I run to now, who can I turn to?

I feel super helpless seriously!!!!! )':
I really wished I have lived a life that's not as screwed up as this one. Be happy that you guys aren't going through this big horrible thing I am going through now.

Lisa, Andy & Gideon can only do this much, listen to what I've to say, & talk to me. But it's only to the most they can do, but I'm extremely hurt on the inside, why is it the people whom I love & has been around them for sometime, hurts me the most?

I feel that I can never be accepted by anyone in any little groups, be it in class, in school, in dance, in my family & in acts1.

I am the biggest loser you'll ever know, I'm sorry... )':
I'm sorry for destroying your life, I'm sorry for making you feel horrible for whatever I've done, I'm sorry for not being there for you guys whom I love when you guys needed me but yet when I needed you guys, you were always there. I'm sorry for not listening to you guys if you have given me any advices.

But please, hear me out, I am really helpless. I can't turn to anyone. I am too afraid, that if I would tell you my problems, the same thing will happen between you & I.
I've never felt like this in my entire life before. I know I am annoying to you, irritating & all. I've honestly never meant what you think I did, I was never even trying to mean that.

Hate me for all you want, really. I know, it will never change the fact that I am eff-ing irritating & act like a know it all to you. It's okay, I'll do anything be it being withdrawn from your friends or whatever else, I'll do anything so that you will be happy & satisfied okay.

I don't even know who am I. All I know is, the Rosanne before this thing happened, was a very happy-go-lucky person who's very cheerful all the time. But now, this Rosanne you know, is the biggest loser ever.

Nah, I'll be alright.. I guess, :'\