I miss you 4 very much ):
I guess they're the only ones who can really really understand me, & they're the ones I trust the MOST. I can talk to them when I'm troubled & they're the ones who'll talk nonsense to me to make me laugh. They're the ones whom I never had broken friendships with before.

It's gonna be super difficult for me to trust anyone whom I don't know much and whom I don't feel comfortable talking to or hanging out with. You must understand that I can easily socialise with people. But this time 'round, I'm gonna be more careful with my every move.

The last thing I ever wanted to hear was a remark on how I am from someone in church. Seriously, I don't have to exist in anyone's life.

My mom said to my aunts about me before & including my sister once, saying that we don't have to exist. Because each time she sees me, she wanna vomit blood.
I don't understand why when anyone especially your own parents, could ever say that about their daughter? I hate it when my mom compares me with her friend's daughter. I hate it alot. It's always when I try my best in doing anything, she always compares with others & say it's not enough. & when I don't do anything about it, what more do I get? Scolding.

My life's completely screwed up.

For 10 years, the same old thing happening to me. Every year, every new classmate, new friend etc, I'll get the same old thing back!
I get people putting on a mask in front of me, I get people insulting me right behind my back thinking that they're all that, I get people even insulting me right in front of my face!
Yup, no one said life was fair... But why's mine super screwed up? I can't stand this seriously.

I get people avoiding me like I have a disease that it's a killer. I get people that gives me a disgusted look when that person's talking to me. As if I could choose when I was born on how I looked.

I love my cell group very much, let me tell you this. I love them all very much. Sometimes, it's hard because I remembered the first few times, I don't feel as though I am accepted into the whole acts1 thing...

I really hope that by now, everyone can accept me for who I am because I believe my brothers & sisters in Christ will understand that we're created differently. Rather than those who keeps insulting me non-stop & don't understand or maybe they do but they decided to just continueously insult me to make themselves feel good.

I really hope that hasn't happened in acts1. Because I feel very family oriented with them compared to my family. I hardly see my dad, my mom & I don't have much of a close bond. My sister, well she's mostly out everyday. Half the time, I'm alone at home with no one to talk to except my dogs.

I don't know what in the world is this post about but I just feel that I can't trust anyone any ol' how. (obviously) But I mean, for those whom I don't really know & vice versa, I came to realise, I can't trust them at all. Before they even knew how I really am, they start blunting out words that hurts someone like me with a background of people who's been insulting me, when they barely even know who I am. This sucks,really.

I feel super lost, I can't turn to anyone else in Fairfield except Shanny, Marissa, Karei, Delia, Xiuwen, Megan & Gladys. I can't turn to anyone else. Only them is because they know me pretty well enough to understand what I am going through.

I really wanna thank Andy & Lisa who's been there all along & listen to my problems & trying to help out. Cause in times when I can't turn to anyone & I need help, I know I can turn to them OR my 7 lovely friends.