I found this set of neoprints which I once thought I've lost it. & now that I've found it, I don't know what to do with it.

I remembered telling you how upset I was when I couldn't find the neoprint. I remembered saying to you that I love that set of neoprint so much. & you said to me that I can have yours cause it'll be alright for you to give up yours in order for me to be happy. I've always known you as a person who would do anything to make me smile. You would do anything just to put that smile on my face.

Last time, I would search up & down for it, I gave up in the end. It meant so much to me then.
Now when everything is over, that I'm not living how I was & what I was in the past, now that I've found it, I don't know what to do with it.

I starred at the neoprint for over 10 mins. I kept looking at it, I couldn't take my eyes of it. Then, I thought of you. I wonder, have you ever actually looked at what we've gotten each other last time & suddenly thought of the past like how I did? Or is it just me?

I feel rather uncomfortable. Looking at it again, it feels like something's missing, a part of me is gone.

But I have God. I want Him to be the one that fills up that empty missing spot in me. & not only that, I wanna live a life that's worth living in. That is in God alone.

Marissa, I miss you. It's been long since we've talked. :(

I was clearing my room, & I found certain things that're really precious to me & some, I don't know what to do with them now that I've found it.

I found this gift that Kenneth Chong gave me for my birthday when we're in sec1. To be honest, I never bothered what the message reads on the gift. I'm not sure what's the gift called, but it can be hung.

Now that I've found it, I've realised that it means so much to me. The title of it, is Footprints. & it reads:


One night a man had a dream. He dreamt that he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed 2 sets of footprints in the sand; 1 belonging to him, the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life, there was only one set of footprint. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprint. I don't understand why, when I needed you the most, you would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you & I would never leave you. During your times of trial & suffering, when you see only one set of footprint, it was then that I carried you."



Isn't that beautiful? I was really touched just by reading it. God is so awesome.
I have found many things that I've always been searching for last time but never did find them. But now when I've found them, I don't know what to do with it.

I found quite a number of things that my ex-boyfriend used to give to me, wrote to me, drew to me & all that. I found many pictures, neoprints, presents...
I was really upset just now when I found that set of neoprints that I loved. Then I found the ring. The ring that I've always wanted & the one I told you that I love, upon hearing that, you surprised me with it during this year's valentines day.

Who am I here to kid? I miss you so much right now. & this is only happening because I allowed myself to miss you. I really wished I didn't clear my stuff. If not, I wouldn't be blogging these down.
*sigh* Well, eventually I'll delete the pictures off my comp. I'll delete the msn conversations we had last year & this year that was auto-saved into my comp's chat-log. I'll throw the presents, letters, drawings, stuff toys, I'll throw them all away in time to come. I don't wanna feel this way, there's something missing now.

I can no longer hold it all inside. I thought I was doing perfectly fine after I've gave my life to God, that such thoughts wouldn't loiter in my mind anymore. Well, I guess I was wrong. Since I've seen those things you've got me, I miss you.

Yup! We've decided to go our separate ways & I'm alright with that. But I've always wondered, how many times have you thought about me when I was thinking about you.
Sometimes, it feels weird going to bed at night without someone there on the phone talking to me about my day, & all that. It really feels weird. Sometimes it gets too much, that I cry myself to bed.

I don't wanna blog about these kinds of things anymore. I really wanna cry myself to bed right now.
Tmr's S2E, & I pray that this situation will not hinder me from studying hard.

A hello from you will be great. Well, if you're reading this, I hope you'll leave a tag.. It's been awhile since we've talked.